


And The Moon Can Only Wait So Long

by WstOfTime



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 02:50:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14346426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WstOfTime/pseuds/WstOfTime
Summary: Four times Camila cried because of Lauren, and the one time she didn't cry at all.





	And The Moon Can Only Wait So Long

A girl can think another girl is pretty, that doesn’t have to mean anything, right?

 

Camila saw her and she didn’t think much of it. She was pretty but what captivated the young girl was her voice. And she told her mother exactly that. Sinuhe just smiled at her and nodded her head.

 For some reason she approached her. Camila, shy and with a confidence that didn’t even reach her knee, went and talked to this girl. To this day she doesn’t know how she did it. What took upon her to walk to this girl and start a conversation.

As she walked to the girl, she was trying to think on what to say, she managed to plan a whole conversation while walking. Everything she was going to say suddenly became nothing as she saw the girl up close. The girl had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. To the point they intimidated the brown eyed girl. And Camila’s mind just went blank.

The girl noticed her and smiled down at her, the hole thing was awkward because Camila just stared at her. The other girl just said a quick “hi” with furrowed eyebrows and amused but confused look.

That’s how the first sentence that Camila said to the girl was: ‘I like your shirt’, which really meant I like your eyes, which really meant I like your face. But Camila wasn’t going to say that, so she managed with that, shirt was good enough.

And as they say, the rest was history, Lauren returned the compliment, and some how that started a friendship.

But the word “friendship” has “friend”, and that has “end” incorporated. And maybe some things really aren’t meant to be. In their years of _friendship_ , Camila never really understood the green-eyed girl completely, she was always a mystery for her, and unsolved puzzle that had no real solution. So, it didn’t matter how hard the younger girl tried to find an answer, she was never going to unearth them, but Camila didn’t know that. So, she kept looking for them, even if trying to find these answers would only leave her heartbroken and confused.

She knew she could live with heartbreak and confusion. Unfortunately, that’s not the only thing that trying to solve said puzzle left her with. It not only gave her a broken heart and unleft answers but tears too, a lot of them. Because when Camila cried she sobbed, however, when she loved she gave her all, she would rip her heart out of her chest and hand it in a silver platter for the other person to manipulate and decide what to do with it. To put it other way, like a meal for a critic to judge and miss value on their own personal opinion, as if the chef behind the dish didn’t work hard enough.

And as I said before, when tears fell from Camila’s eyes, it wasn’t just a drizzle, more like rain in a desert…

\\\

The first time she cried because of Lauren was mostly because she was scared, she was just scrolling through Tumblr reblogging everything she thought was cute, but it was different right now, she always did this and didn’t pay mind to it, but this time, every word she read, every cliché quote she would hit the reblog button for she instantly associated with her green-eyed bandmate and the not so sudden realization almost knocked her of her feet, because she was definitely not supposed to feel this way about her best friend. Her _girl_ best friend. She always found the girl beautiful, but by now she stopped saying to herself that it was just a crush. Because a small infatuation towards a person definitely wasn’t supposed to feel this.

And for so long she tried to ignore her feelings. At first, she would say to herself that it was jealousy of the girl, or just admiration for her. Later it became a crush, and that was it. But Camila couldn’t say that this time, it’s not like she knew what love really felt like but if the number of movies she saw and books she read, said anything, was that she was in love with her best friend.  And maybe that was mistake number one too, compare her life to movie that ended with a happy ending, with a happily ever after.

When Camila felt the first tear run down her cheek, she didn’t stop them. She wasn’t crying because of the possibility of her being gay, the whole world already thought that, although saying it out loud to her family did sound kind of scary to her, but she really wasn’t scared of that. She was terrified because it was Lauren and she wasn’t supposed to feel like this about her and because of that she cried, against her mother’s chest, and her mom just soothed her, without the knowledge of why she was crying, but still rocking the small girl in her arms and whispering assuring words in her ear.

Camila didn’t say anything that night. She just kept everything inside.

 

\\\

 

Lauren started talking about this guy she was falling for, and how handsome he was, and Camila just heard her talk, not putting attention because if she listened and paid mind to the older girl’s words her chest would start to hurt. A familiar tug in her rib cage that to her didn’t feel pleasant at all.

But the girl in front of her said something that she definitely couldn’t ignore.

“I slept with him. I said I wanted to be in love with the guy that made me lose my virginity, and Camz I’m pretty sure I love him” 

That was her breaking point, but she held the tears back, Lauren’s words just reminded her that she was never going to be hers.

“What about you. Anyone special, Camz” Lauren asked, her eyebrows suggestive and fortunately she didn’t notice younger girl’s slightly discomfort, Camila nodded her head and Lauren instantly glowed, jump of excitement for the younger girl. “But they don’t love me back” the sentence made the green-eyed girl still her movements and look at the girl in front of her with a sad and confused face. 

Camila’s breaking point wasn’t hearing Lauren say that she slept with him although that felt like a bitch too, but to hear her say that she loved him and then she admitted to the older girl that her feelings were one sided, it made her already broken heart, shed to dust.

So, for second time she cried and the girl she was crying about was currently holding her for comfort, saying that they were stupid not to love her back, and that just made her cry more.

 

 \\\

 

 The girls always liked to talk about boys, that didn’t change with Camila’s not so little crush, mostly because no one knew about it. The other four girls talked about the last guy they saw or their boyfriends, Camila always remained quiet. She never talked about guys with them, chiefly because her interest for boys just didn’t exist.

The girls were in Camila and Lauren’s hotel room, today was the last day of the tour and the last night at the hotel. Tomorrow they had their ‘winter vacations’, the young Cuban was laying on her bed with Dinah, and the others were all nestled in the opposite bed. The movie they were watching was abandoned by everyone except Camila, apparently only her was interested in the film and not the current topic the girls were discussing. That probably was due to the fact that Hailee Steinfeld was in the movie and Camila could admit that her friend was hot, so she kept watching the movie instead of talking with the others about guys.

That is until Normani said her name, at first, she didn’t hear her, she just heard something that sounded like “Camila”, she took her eyes from the screen to find four pair of eyes on her.

“Sorry, what” Camila asked.

Normani just rolled her eyes playfully at the young Cuban and talked again.

“What about you? Any new crushes, did you finally get a boyfriend”

Camila got nervous because of the questions, only her mother knew that she was gay, she told her one night when Sinu asked why she had a picture of a naked woman on her woman. And to be fair the girl wasn’t completely nude, she was wearing a bikini and Camila just thought she was beautiful so she saved the picture forgetting the fact that her mother used her phone more than herself. And that’s basically how she told her. But again, only her mother had that knowledge, not even Dinah knew, at least that’s what she thought, but the blonde girl did know, she always did.

“Nop, no boyfriend. I still only like Lauren, but she doesn’t pay attention to me.”

Camila had the plan of saying that to see Lauren’s reaction, but as soon as she noticed the look the green-eyed girl gave her, she followed with a quick remark. “I’m joking. You guys know I’m horrible at making jokes. Come on Lauren, you’re supposed to laugh.” 

Dinah had a shocked face but a knowing look in her eyes, Normani and Ally were just completely taken aback. But the look Lauren gave her, she couldn’t forget.

Lauren laughed, the most forced giggle Camila ever heard come out of her mouth, but she shrugged the comment off and continue the conversation with the girls.

Camila without wanting to dig herself deeper continued to watch the movie. She wanted to cry, she had that knowing sting in her eyes but before the tears started to fall, Dinah grabbed her hand and squeezed it, Camila looked at her from the corner of her eyes, and the blonde just gave her a sad smile. She rested her head on Dinah’s chest, in a position where the girls in the opposite bed couldn’t see her face. The rest of the night was awkward, at least for her.

When the other girls left, Camila just stayed in her bed, in this instance she regretted picking Lauren as her roommate. In all honesty it was always like torture for her, but sometimes she got to cuddle Lauren or see her change in front of her, which sounds horrible if she thinks about it. But still she could take the torture any day, just not right now.

Lauren got up to turn off the lights and Camila closed her eyes, trying to even her breathing so it looked like she was sleeping. “Camila, can we talk for a moment.”

The way she said her name made Camila flinch, she could still see in her head the look Lauren gave her earlier.

“I know you’re not sleeping, Camila”

Camila sighed and opened her eyes, Lauren was staring at her. “Talk about what Lo. I’m tired”

“About you’re fucking joke earlier”

For a second time today, her tone made her flinch. “I was just joking” Camila said, her voice felt small and forced, her eyes no longer on the other girl. She really didn’t expect this kind of reaction from her long-time crush.

“Well I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who thought that!”

The Lauren she was hearing and seeing right now wasn’t the one she loved, she knew that the green-eyed girl had her temper and was sometimes hot headed, but never towards Camila. Right now, she was being harsh and loud and that scared the younger Cuban to no end.

“What if do like you, would it really be the end of the world if I did” Camila knew that she already screwed up, so in her mind admitting her feelings right now, probably wouldn’t be that bad.

She was wrong. God, was she wrong.

“So you do like me”

Camila tried to talk, or at least nod, but she didn’t. She was now sitting on the bed looking at Lauren with scared and pleading eyes, she opened her mouth again and nothing but a soft breath of air left her lips.

Apparently not responding to Lauren made her angrier.

“I’m not a dyke like you, Camila”

That one hurt. The young Cuban instantly felt the now way to familiar tug at her chest. She was looking down at Lauren’s feet. She also felt the single tear that was now on her cheek. She quickly wiped the tear, but she still couldn’t look at the girl. “Don’t call me that”

Out of everyone Camila thought that Lauren would be the most accepting. She really didn’t know why the girl was reacting the way she was, but something was clear, it hurt like hell, Camila’s last sentence was said with her eyes shining because of the tears and her voice as broke as can be. The last thing she heard was the door opening and shutting with way too much force, but before that she heard Lauren mutter a quick “You’re pathetic” and then the girl’s exit. Camila closed her eyes trying to hold back the tears that were teasing her for a while now.

Right after that, not even two seconds later the door opened again and Camila was expecting to hear more of Lauren’s shouts at her. But what she heard was two sets of footsteps heading in her direction, and the she felt the bed shift and dip. She opened her eyes to find Dinah sitting right beside her and Normani standing right next to the bed, they both gave her a sad smile.

Ten minutes later she was still in her bed. But now she was getting cuddled by both girls, for the first minutes they didn’t speak at all. Normani was sitting against the head board with Camila between her legs, and the latter’s head in her chest, while Dinah had the young Cuban’s legs in her lap. The urge to cry was still there but, she was holding them back pretty good. She was used to holding back tears by now. Wow, she really was pathetic. Lauren was right.

Somehow Normani read her mind because the next thing she said was.

“You’re not pathetic, Mila”

Camila couldn’t agree with her, she just shrugged and continued to enjoy the boob pillow the girl offered her. But then she realized that if they heard that they probably heard everything else. Her thoughts were proven correctly when Dinah spoke.

“So, you’re gay?”

Straight to the point.

The young Cuban heard how Dinah said those words, with a careful tone and calmful eyes. Camila just nodded her head. No point in denying it now. “And that’s okay, you know that, right?”

Dinah’s words made her feel better, Camila always knew that there was nothing wrong with her, she just liked girls. Why some people thought of that as a flaw or a disease was a complete shock to her.

“To be honest I always had a theory about it” to the girls surprise those words came out of Normani, she quickly laughed and the continued, “come on, it was kind of obvious, and I remember you staring at my butt when we showered. You enjoyed that as much as you’re enjoying my boobs right now”

 Camila laughed but blushed furiously, she quickly got up not wanting to make the girl uncomfortable. Normani just ignored her and said that she didn’t care, she even placed the girl in her former position. “If we’re being honest then I still look at your butt.” Camila laughed at her own joke, that quickly brought her back to reality and the other girls realized the sudden change of mood too.

 That night Camila didn’t talk about it even though they already knew because they heard everything, Camila’s mood wasn’t at its best, but both girls were making an effort of keeping her distracted and to be fair it worked for a while, until the girl just broke, she had no idea what caused it, but something did. She was laughing with Dinah and Normani and all of the sudden she started to laugh cry and then just cry. That night and the ones that followed she cried to the point of exhaustion. The girls stayed with her that night.

 The next day they all headed their own way, Lauren and Camila had a flight together to Miami, but apparently the green-eyed girl left earlier today. Of course she did.

 The other girls made sure to hug her and tell her that they loved her. Ally was filled in on the events of the night by Dinah and she made sure to hug Camila tighter than ever. Their rule of not speaking to each other while in holidays went to crap because every night one of the girls called her and made sure she fell asleep, she always fell did, after crying for at least two hours. Her body was always dehydrated because of the number of tears that she shed. She barely ate anything, on Christmas eve she only ate of respect but her stomach couldn’t handle the sudden amount of food, and she ended up vomiting all the food. Fortunately for her, no one saw or heard her. That’s how it went until she realized that her ribs were showing way more than they should. And quickly she realized that she had to get her shit together. And for a while she did.

 

\\\

  

 2016 was a weird year. She had abs now, that was good. Physically she was amazing, but mentally she was all over the place. Things with Lauren were awkward, the girl never apologized and as time passed, things got better, as better as they could. Apparently, they made it work, because not everyone realized that tension between them.

 But that was it, they didn’t talk, only when they had to. Sometimes the lines got blurry, Lauren would do something that left Camila’s mind sideways.

 Again, 2016 was a weird year. She wasn’t happy, not even okay, she knew that much. Sometimes everything was just too much and she couldn’t take it, she was always tired, her mood horrible and sour.

The drugs helped for a while, but she wasn’t stupid, she wasn’t putting needles in her arm or something. She smoked weed, mostly because it made her forget and just let go, something she really didn’t know how to do. 

Only Dinah knew how bad she currently was. Then her mother found out about the drugs and got Camila a private doctor. She got diagnosed with depression, but the young girl already knew that. Nothing new there.

 It was hard, 2016 was hard. But she got through it. Half alive, but still.

Then November came, and with it, rain… or tears, a lot of them.

The last time she remembers the best. Because for so long Camila thought that the she was the problem, that maybe Lauren just couldn’t fall in love with another girl.  

So, you could imagine her surprise when she saw the picture of the green-eyed girl and Lucy kissing. Then came the tweet, she was in the bathroom, sitting with her phone on the toilet when the notification came in. She read it twice, not less or more. Only two times, she threw her phone at the wall in front of her. So, there she was, in a bathroom, with her pants down, crying.

Lauren was right, she was pathetic.

But pathetic or not, heartbroken or not. She sucked her pride and congratulated the girl, told her how proud she was.

And she only got a “thank you”

Pathetic.

 

\\\

 

The Time she didn’t cry…

 

 She was performing her new song and Fifth Harmony was there. And of course, destiny was a sick sociopath, so they had to at least see each other, and they did.

She saw her and their eyes immediately met as if Lauren had a sixth sense that told her when Camila was staring at her. Even from this far she could still see the green of her eyes, the color that for so long she loved to see and admire.

Her eyes were like a time capsule, and not even a second later Camila saw everything, _remembered_ every single moment. Flashing through her eyes. From the moment their eyes first met, to the time they thought was going to be the last.

She still looked beautiful, Camila thought. The pictures she saw online never made justice to her beauty from eye to eye.

But she didn’t feel anything. The spark in her stomach, the so-called butterflies weren’t there. She was a stranger at best. What she once felt for the girl was no longer there and suddenly the tears she shed all those times just didn’t feel necessary, Camila spent all that time trying to forget about her. And now, she finally did it.

And what could be describe as hours of staring at each other, was really just a second. A glance in her direction and that was it.

She was over Lauren.

 And no tears fell from her eyes that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. -KA


End file.
